Your Child’s Memory

We each have a hazy childhood memory or two that we think of as our first official memory – but just how far back can we really remember?
Memory changes and evolves as a child grows. Luckily for all mothers, a baby can recognize his mother’s voice at birth and breastfed infants can identify their mothers’ smell at one week, which means a newborn remembers his mother from the very start! While this isn’t going to help him pass his school exams, it’s a start on the road to developing memory.
Experts say that a six week old baby can remember things for up to 24 hours, while a 16 month old can retain memories for as long as four months!
For most of us, our earliest childhood memories date back to when we were three or three and a half years of age. But don’t spend a fortune on your once-in-a-lifetime trip to Disneyland as soon as your child hits four – if you really want to form lifelong memories, you’ll probably have to wait a while longer, because these very early memories are not always clear. Most children begin to have reliable memories of most events somewhere between five and six years of age, depending upon the individual child.
As adults, we often wonder whether we really remember what we consider our earliest memories, or if we’ve created them from the stories we’ve heard from our parents while growing up. Dr. Josette Abdalla, associate psychology professor, notes, “They tend to be hazy and vague. Only very specific events or situations are clear. However, a lot is complemented by information and details given by parents and other people in a child’s environment. There is an unclear line between which were the real memories, and which became memories as a result of extrinsic attribution.” Research suggests that this sort of discussion of memories leads children to develop a better memory.
Some studies indicate that people in different cultures develop memory differently. Members of cultures that stress individual or personal family history tend to have earlier childhood memories than people from cultures that stress interdependence. When parents or close family members discuss an event and encourage a child to recount his experiences in detail, the event becomes clearer in the child’s memory. So, if you want to enhance your child’s memory, ask lots of open-ended questions that lead him to talk about his experiences.
Building memory skills
These memory games are fun and educational and some of them are appropriate for kids who can’t read yet. To encourage your child’s memory, try a regular schedule of short games rather than one long session. Memory games can be great time-fillers when you are on a long drive or sitting in the doctor’s office.
* Memory Cards: Make a set of 50 identical cards. Decorate each pair with the same picture – you can use stickers or draw them yourself. Shuffle the cards and lay them out face down in a grid. Players take turns turning over two cards at a time. When a player finds a pair, he gets to keep it. The player with the most pairs wins.
* “I went on a trip:” The first player says, “I went on a trip and I took a…” and names something beginning with A, (for example, an apple); then the next player adds on, saying, “I went on a trip and I took an apple and a (something beginning with B). Players take turns naming items in alphabetical order. Anyone who forgets an item is out.
* Object game: Take 20 random objects and place them on a tray. Allow players to look at the objects for two minutes then remove them. Players write down all the items they remember. The one who remembers the most wins.
While it may seem like a waste of time to read to a baby who won’t remember the story or play educational games with a toddler who will lose the recollection before he grows up, educating your child and playing with him is never a waste of time. By the same token, very painful recollections are not harmless, even if a baby is too young to really remember them. Of course we can’t prevent our children from having bad experiences and many of these will vanish into the mists of early memory, but there’s a difference between a few bad experiences and a painful early childhood. Children who have very traumatic childhoods do retain some memories of very early experiences. Dr. Abdalla explains, “[These memories] may stay with them and be part of their unconscious so that they affect future behavior, either in a vague way or even in specific areas without consciously knowing why.”