Goodbye to Boredom!

Boredom is one of the worst threats to a marriage, especially if you have been married for several years and the feeling of routine has overcome you and your spouse. Marital boredom causes frustration and dissatisfaction. Nothing seems exciting or interesting anymore, and nothing new seems to happen. You and your spouse may reach a stage where you are living under the same roof, but are actually leading separate lives with no common interests.

Reactions to boredom differ from one person to another. One person may gain weight and neglect his or her general appearance (especially at home), while another may try to find excitement outside of the marriage like becoming an internet addict, hanging out with friends all the time, becoming a workaholic or worse, having an affair.
Why has your marriage become boring?
Lack of communication
This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband and wife don’t talk at all. They do talk, but their conversations are centered around money, their children and other social responsibilities. This lack of intimate communication leads to boredom and frustration. Couples tend to think that they don’t have to talk to each other to understand one another. However, communication is essential because none of us read minds, and we actually shouldn’t have to try. You need to communicate clearly and openly with your spouse and assert yourself without assigning blame and without being aggressive.
Common myths about marriage
Most couples have pre-conceptions about marriage such as it being “an inescapable evil” or “the ultimate goal”. They often view marriage as inevitable, thus passively giving into the feelings of the boredom and routine accepting them as facts of life, and making no attempt to keep the relationship young and fulfilling.
Unmet personal needs
Men and women have different needs, but they don’t necessarily realize this fact. As a result, people may try to satisfy their spouses’ needs in the way they would like to have their own needs met, without realizing that this may not be what their spouses really need or want. This leads to frustration and the spouse is often accused of being selfish. Instead, try explaining your needs to your spouse without using vague or general expressions like “I need to feel happy” or “I need to feel that you love me”. Simply state how your spouse can help you fulfill your need.

Put the romance back into your marriage!
Examine your expectations
Are you taking your marriage for granted, expecting it to work out on its own? Are you expecting too little out of married life, thus failing to put in enough effort? Are you expecting too much, thus constantly getting disappointed? You need to honestly confront yourself with the truth and adjust your expectations.
Discuss your problems with your spouse
Express your problems without looking for someone to take the blame. You should face any problem in your marriage together, even if it’s boredom.
Respect your spouse’s individuality
Individuality is an important aspect of a person’s life. It is essential that you feel you are doing something for yourself whether it’s having a career or a hobby, or doing volunteer work. Each of you needs to have his own interests and accomplishments. You’ll have so much more to share!
Make time for the two of you as a couple
Children, friends and family members are off limits when you have decided to spend time alone. Do something together that you both enjoy… and on your own. It’s not practical of course to find time on a daily basis, but try as often as you can. Remember, if you neglect your relationship, you may drift apart. Be creative, and never compromise this precious time for anything else.
Avoid routine
Avoid pre-planned sex or treating sex like a ‘weekend duty’. Just act the way you feel, and leave things to happen naturally. If your marriage is still not improving, you and your spouse have to discuss your problems. Plan a vacation for the two of you alone. You might also consider seeking professional help… Whatever you do, do not passively watch things get worse!
WHAT WOMEN NEED
Romance and affection
A husband must make sure that he shows his love to his wife. It is not enough for a husband to love her; it is essential for him to express that love. He should compliment her and spend time with her just cuddling and talking. Women feel happy and satisfied when they have romance, passion and intimacy in their lives.
After marriage husbands usually stop giving their wives the kind of attention they used to give when they were engaged. Even if there is an occasion, a husband may forget to buy his wife a gift as a token of his affection, and even when he does buy her one, it is often out of duty. Men have to realize that it is not enough for them to be the ‘bread-winners’. Women need love, romance and care as much as they need a good quality of life.
Appreciation and support
Naturally, husbands face a lot of challenges and pressures in the work place. But this should not translate itself into anger and irritation at home. Husbands need to realize that their wives may also be overwhelmed with their jobs, housework and their responsibilities towards the children, and that they also need to rest after a long day of work. The wife’s role of taking care of the children and the house is by no means easier than the husband’s role as the main ‘provider’. Husbands need to appreciate the effort put in on the wife’s part.
Effective communication
One of the most effective ways of expressing love and respect for a wife is for the husband to talk to her about everything in his life including his job. Even though men need to leave their work behind them when they get home, this doesn’t mean never talking about it. A wife needs to know about her husband’s job, struggles, happy moments, and his relationship with his friends. This form of communication allows the wife to share her husband’s interests and problems, becoming closer to him and his world.

WHAT MEN NEED
Physical intimacy

Intimacy issues are among the most common problems couples present in marital counseling. Good and clear communication in this area is crucial because intimacy is a vital part of a successful marriage and something husbands want and expect. It is very common for people to classify the need for physical intimacy among the husbands’ needs, eventhough wives have the same need as well. However, men differ in the kind of intimacy they want and intimacy is often higher up on their list of priorities.

Respect and appreciation
When a wife listens carefully and tries to understand her husband’s point of view, she is showing him respect. This doesn’t mean that a wife can never disagree with her husband; it means taking her husband’s point of view into consideration. She should also treat him with respect in front of the children, and talk about him in a respectful way when he’s not around. Criticizing the husband in front of the children will only undermine him, whereas praise and appreciation show respect for him. When a wife shows her husband how much she appreciates him, this will encourage him to put more effort into the marriage.
An attractive and caring wife
It is important for men that wives put in the effort to look attractive. Many women start to gain weight after getting married and neglect their appearance. Giving the husband attention and care is also veryimportant. A husband may actually expect his wife to focus on him more than on the children, her family, friends or work. When a husband comes home, his wife should greet him with a warm smile instead of with problems and complaints. She should also make the house as comfortable and calm as possible. Arranging for the children to be doing a quiet activity during this time would be a good idea.